saying goodbye to summer

The tomatoes and basil in our garden are just about dead, so we enjoyed one last caprese salad for lunch. And it was delicious. P.S. - I know its kind of gross that I put this plate on the floor to take pictures, but it makes me want to have an old wood table because the contrast of the white plate is so pretty!

the cutest laugh

I couldn't resist. I had to upload this video. It's a little long until it gets to the good part, but the wait is totally worth it, at least to me. You know how parents always think their kid is the cutest thing ever, even when you think they really aren't that cute? I wonder if Claire is genuinely cute, like gerber baby cute, or if I'm under some illusion. Either way, I still think she is the most beautiful, adorable, sweet baby that ever lived.

all things orange

James and I decided that from now on, we are going to make a true effort to set holiday traditions because we have both experienced one too many Halloweens, Thanksgivings, and Christmas', that crept up on us before we could even enjoy them. We were reminiscing how, when we were kids, the holiday season was more enjoyable, and it was because of the traditions our parents set at home and the activities we did in school. But mainly, it was because we were kids and I think kids are much better at finding and holding onto joy. So, this week James, Claire, and I did some simple planning, like making a Halloween station on Pandora Radio, buying and making Halloween decorations, making an effort to come up with a good Halloween costume, and, doing what the Alexander's do best, eating delicious treats. Today I made the best butternut squash soup ever. The recipe doesn't normally call for it, but we added sour cream and bacon pieces to it, and it was the perfect salty contrast to the sweet taste of butternut squash. Dinner was followed by homemade pumpkin rolls that were so delicious. And finally, we put our decorations up and got to enjoy our new jack-o-lanters! I am so excited to share such a wonderful time with my baby girl. I can't wait for her to get old enough to recognize and enjoy how special times like these are. What are your favorite holiday traditions?

sick day with little miss.

Last night was one of those nights I went to bed knowing that I would be a sick pup in the morning. Surprise, surprise. Swollen throat, body aches... the works. Mr. Alexander made me a delicious cup of tea and scrambled eggs for breakfast, which was eaten in bed. Autumn is here, which means I can drink tea every morning. There isn't a better start to the day, right? Anyway, Claire and I spent the majority of the day hanging out in bed and James read Pride and Prejudice out loud to us for a little while. A man who drinks tea and loves Jane Austen is a man after my own heart. Claire did some of her own entertaining as well. She sure knows how to make a sick lady's day.

on slacking... and other things

 

 The frequency of entries I post is a parallel to just about everything in my life. I tend to get in the habit of doing the things I should, and then one day I don't and it takes a while before I get into the habit of doing them again. I can't promise that I will be able to keep this up, but I will try.

Lately, my life has revolved around Claire, school, Claire, cleaning the house, and Claire. And that's the way I like it. I'm addicted to this girl. Sometimes, I don't even want to lay her in bed when she takes a nap, so I just hold her and look at her. James and I awake to the sounds of her giggling in her crib. She is in love with the wood-carved bird mobile that her Auntie, Lauren, got for her. Claire is 3 months old today! How did that happen? Speaking of which, it has been about 3 months since James and I went on a real date. A date! Oh, what I would do for a date. I would gladly take a trip to Wendy's and a dollar movie. See, I can be cheap! Babysitters, anyone? Not that I don't love being with Claire day in and day out, but I need some time with James. I realized the other day that I tell Claire I love her about 100 times a day and I tell James I love him about twice. This is sad. I need to be a better wife. Finding the balance between motherhood and being a wife is kind of difficult, don't you think?  Also, Claire has discovered her own spit, and now plays with it constantly. She was already a drooler, but now, her slime is everywhere.... oh my gosh, I know what Claire is going to be for Halloween...

today, in pictures

I sure do love this gal

the arrival of sweet baby claire - a birth story

Finally. Little baby Claire is here. I cannot describe to you the overwhelming feelings of joy, inadequacy, and adoration I have felt this past week. As I write, little Claire is asleep in her stroller with sounds of ocean waves soothing her. James is in his office, working, but every now and then he will pop his head out of the door and gaze at our sleeping daughter. It's difficult to explain how I feel. Sometimes I will look at her and just start crying out of joy for having such a beautiful, perfect being in our home. Other times I feel completely lost, thinking about how this child relies completely on me, and that if I were to neglect her, she would not survive this world. The events leading up to Claire's arrival are as follows: On Monday morning, June 27th I had been experiencing some light contractions. My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law invited me to go to the pool and relax. After being at the pool for a couple of hours, I started to feel kind of strange and went home. That night at around 6 p.m. right as James and I sat down to watch a movie, light contractions started turning into not so light contractions. About an hour into the movie, I asked James to start timing the contractions. They were between 7 and 10 minutes apart so we decided to go on a walk and see if they wouldn't get closer together. At around midnight, James' mother and my sister came over. We chatted for a bit, then James and I went to our room and continued to relax and use our birthing affirmations to get through each surge. At around 2 a.m. I decided it was time to go to the hospital so James packed the car and we headed over. Upon arrival, I was given a room and was told that if I hadn't dilated much that I could go home if I wanted to. I really wanted to go home if I hadn't dilated much, so it was unfortunate when my water broke about ten minutes later, because I had no choice but to stay at the hospital even when I was only dilated 1 cm. Well, several hours of very active labor passed by. I spent most of that time resting, relying on James to help me go into deep relaxation, walking the halls, etc. Then, out of nowhere, contractions simply stopped. For an hour nothing happened. The doctor came and spoke to us about getting pitocin to start up the contractions again. That's the last thing I wanted to do, so we asked the doc if we could have some more time and do some other things to help start up contractions again naturally before we considered doing pitocin, and he consented. We tried everything and nothing worked. Several hours went by and still, nothing happened. If it hadn't have been for my water breaking, I would have gone home. I wanted to go home so badly. But I had already been laboring for almost 24 hours and I knew this little girl needed to come out soon. And believe it or not, but after 17 hours of active labor, I had still only dilated 1 cm.  At about 11 a.m., I consented to getting pitocin. I knew it was going to be a rocky road from here on out, because I knew pitocin acted differently than my body's own oxytocin. Pitocin makes contractions much more intense right from the get-go. There is no ease into a contraction. My research was confirmed after a couple of hours of being on pitocin. I can't even describe the place I had to go in my mind to try to comfort myself during these contractions. One second, I would feel o.k., and the next second I felt like I had gotten hit by a truck. It was so hard not to just moan in agony for the first fifteen seconds or so until I could calm myself down and begin to relax through my contraction. If any of you are familiar with hypnobirthing methods, the "finger press" proved to work wonders. I was amazed how easy it was for me to slip into a state of deep relaxation once I remembered to press my pointer finger and thumb together upon exhaling. Getting to that point, however, was easier said than done. The pain was so agonizing at the onset of each contraction that my senses started to numb. My sight and hearing in particular were beginning to fade. My poor little sister had to step out of the hospital room a couple of times because she couldn't stand seeing me like that. At 6:00 p.m., about 7 hours after getting pitocin, I had only dilated 2 more centimeters. Upon hearing the news, I immediately broke down. How could that be? I had been laboring for 24 hours and I hadn't even made it  1/3 of the way there. I knew that I couldn't last 7 more centimeters. I knew that if I didn't get the epidural now, I wouldn't have the strength to push when I needed to, and that the doctor would have to pull the baby out, or worse, an emergency c-section would have to be performed. So, after laboring for over 24 hours naturally, I got an epidural. I'm not going to lie, it felt amazing. Other than not being able to feel my legs, I was feeling pretty great. I slept for several hours, and by 10:00, I had dilated to 10 cm! Perhaps my body just needed some rest. By the time my body started to feel like it was ready to push, the epidural had worn off. As painful as it was, I was glad that it had worn off because I wanted to avoid pushing so hard that I would tear. The last two hours of labor were especially life changing. In between those urges to breath my baby down and out, I had some of the strangest sensations. I lost all track of time, for one. I had no concept of it. I was so deep into my body that I sometimes forgot to breath. Those moments were some of the most sacred and humbling of my life. My mother-in-law was on one side of me, my sister on the other, and my husband right next to my ear, whispering encouraging thoughts, holding my hand, stroking my arms. The support I had in that room was overwhelming. My two sister-in-laws, Chelsea and Jani were there as well. When baby Claire's head crowned, I reached down and felt her sweet little head. I was overcome with joy, and truly realized for the first time that I had created life, and she was almost in my arms. I had a huge surge of energy just then, and had the urge to breath her out into the world. I felt like I was screaming, but after the event, everyone in the room told me I looked incredibly calm. With a couple of final pushes, baby Claire finally arrived. The doctor immediately placed her in my arms, and the most incredible thing happened. Claire took some deep breaths in and then just stared into my eyes. She didn't even cry! I just sat there with baby Claire in my arms, looking from her to James and back to her. She was finally here! After waiting for the umbilical chord to stop pulsating, I fed Claire right there in the labor room. She latched on perfectly. I was so grateful to be able to hold my daughter for a long time before my husband took her for a bath. I am so grateful to have a healthy baby and a succesful labor and delivery. As much as I wanted to do a natural birth, I'm glad I got to experience at least 24 hours of it along with the delivery naturally. I'm glad I was able to accept that getting the epidural was what was best for my baby, because my body couldn't have done it without a little rest. I had been awake for over 41 hours; a 3 hour nap was much needed. Claire is now two and a half weeks old. I can't believe how much older she seems already! Last night James, Claire and I were just hanging out in our bed, watching a movie, and for the first time I really felt like we were a true family. My family.